Heavy

Honestly, it’s been rough time since I’ve moved back home after graduation, in terms of emotionally and spiritually. I have a solid gig coaching baseball but besides those few hours a day things are ehhh. Past few days just have been having difficult time dealing with my future and worrying way to much and struggling to believe that the Lord will provide for me. On the job front there’s a possibility of getting a paid internship in Toledo which I have been praying for and hope I get it. Then I applied to some other position in Tampa just cause I want to eventually leave Ohio. I talked with guy from Toledo and he’s not sure if position will be a Grad. Assistant spot or internship…I’m not going back to school so I really hope it’s an internship. Just if it isn’t then I’m going to continue to search for jobs and it sucks man it has been rough on me and just having hard time trusting in the Lord to provide like I know He will be from my viewpoint it’s hard.

Then on top of jobs just truthfully I have no solid community around me…I haven’t had solid spiritual conversation since I visited BG few weeks ago and before that not since I left school in December. I have very few people that I can talk to about that stuff and I don’t see them a whole lot. Community is so important and being in this place I can tell not having it is so tough and it gives the enemy an easier route to get to you since there aren’t people around to help with problems and stuff. Loneliness has crept into my life and has made me wonder will I ever get married will I ever find solid friends again and things like that. I’ve been listening to a spontaneous set by Jenn Johnson called More Than Enough and they are just words I need to hear and remind myself that God is more than enough. It’s tough and I just feel lost with things. I thought I got out of this wilderness that I feel I’m in but ever since leaving BG I haven’t been experiencing God like I was before and I feel distant from Him for some reason. I’m in my word, praying, seeking Him out, and just not feeling His presence in my life currently…and it stinks.

On top of that I have to remember that in few months I have to start paying the man back for going to college. My parents are so high on making money and all those things and I’m not like that. So I consistently get lectured about that stuff and makes me feel worse and puts me in a bigger hole. Got a dagger the other day about when I was going to do YWAM, they emailed me to remind me about important deadlines so I had to email them back saying I’m not going. Just curiosity of wondering what would have happened if I went to Australia, but I have to look at it from another view point of what will God do here and where will He send me here. Man I just want the Lord to use me where ever and to provide for me.  I want to trust Him even it’s tough at times. Peace and Love ya’ll.

IMG_8171-edit

Lone Ranger

I’ve had a lot going on in my head lately with just the season of life that I am in and where I am at in my college career. Even though it’s summer I feel a bit overwhelmed with things at this moment. I currently have an internship with a minor league baseball team so whenever they aren’t playing at home I get the day off, but I still feel like I need to actually get a break from that break if you know what I mean. Like just a break or escape from this place ha. I’m an introvert so I love just being isolated and chilling out by myself, so I’m around people a lot even when I’m not working and I just want a break to truly be at a right state of mind and since God is a HUGE part of my life I really just want to connect more intimately with Him. It can be hard to do that at times during the summer when I’m tired from work or am too lazy to get my time in the Word or to pray.

I’ve contemplated what exactly that looks like and really haven’t gotten any great ideas. Until the other day I was kind of clueless on how to approach this. I was leaving work a few days ago and walked passed my favorite player Daniel Norris (He’s a G, bro plays pro baseball, surfs, and is a solid believer) and gave him the classic head nod and sup (I didn’t realize it was him till after I walked past him a few feet later). A few friends of mine told me about him last year because I like surfing, God , and baseball they told me I would dig this dude. So I read some articles about him and instantly became a fan. He relates with this story because in the off-season he drives a 1970s Volkswagen van down the coast and just surfs, lives in the van, isolates himself, and just connects with nature. It made me think of what a great time that would be to just drive solo dolo down to like Key West or something making stops along the way to surf and check out some cool spots and be isolated. Having time to just see God’s creations and to be able to just talk with Him and no one else would truly be incredible. One of the ways I connect with God best is to be in nature and take it all in and thank Him for the beauty He has created. Just imagining this brings a huge smile to my face. Like another thing is like how sweet it sounds that I won’t know anyone so running into new people and meeting people will be really cool and having sweet stories about this adventure will be amazing.

I am (hopefully) graduating in December so timing of this trip is something I’m thinking about like when should I go on this trip. Do I wait till after graduation or go during this summer on an off week. Then financially I’m a college student so hopefully I’ll have enough to make it haha, that shouldn’t matter though I know God can provide crazy things. Honestly, the biggest thing is my car it isn’t in the greatest shape to make this trip so I would probably want to rent a car which can maybe get pricey I don’t know. Maybe my parents could help me out a bit with this but we’ll see ha. They are more on the conservative end of things where I am more on the spontaneous side. We’ll see where this goes, so pretty much that’s the plan road trip solo to warmer vibes, do things I love, and see where the Holy Spirit takes me.

 

As Always Peace and Love

Now is the Time

These songs just have speaking to me a lot lately, if you didn’t know about this awesome event that happened back in early April. It was called Azusa Now, it took place in the Los Angeles Memorial  Coliseum, was a whole day spent fasting, praying, and worshiping. I was planning to drive across country with some homies to go but didn’t work out. Anyway they posted some of the worship sets and this one by the Circuit Riders really has been on my mind a lot lately. I literally watch/listen to these songs 3 or 4 times a day ha. The second song played is dope but the first song Take Courage and the last Another Wave have really been speaking to me.

Take Courage lyrically is so awesome and just thinking about some of the things she is singing just gets me super amped up. Some of the lines that really get me are, “Take courage, the harvest is ripe”, “Simple obedience, it changes history”, “We’ll lead this generation to the glory of The Lord”. Then the little spontaneous part in the beginning about now is the time for visitation and salvation. Ahh such an amazing song! So yeah like I was thinking about the song and the lyrics and was like it is our time to take courage and go out into the world and share Jesus’ love and the good news with everyone. The harvest is ripe, like it says in Luke 10:2 “He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” Along with that the next lyric about obedience, we just need to listen and obey God and it can change history.If we are bold and courageous about loving people and sharing God with them it can change their whole life! Last part about our generation is dope in my mind, I’ve been hearing a lot about the end times being sooner than we think. So like we are living in the last days, we are running out of time, and if we truly want to see people to know Jesus we need to take action and have courage! Up in Toledo there is action being taken to see a revival in this city, the prayer for 500k in the city has been going on more a few months and I totally believe God is moving there and there is a shift occurring. Even at school in BG for me, this past year was insane! Healings, people knowing Jesus, and things that I haven’t seen while my time here. It’s been awesome to be apart of and I know this is just the beginning!

The second song kind of relates to the last things I was talking about it has this one awesome lyric that sticks with me which is, “Here comes another wave of revival, can you feel the Earth shaking” and then another lyric which is really sweet is, “tsunami’s of revival are crashing on the shore, a movement of the Spirit we’ve never seen before”. Yeah this year I’ve been praying a lot for revival on our campus and just for the United States. I think to myself like we need to pray for these tsunami’s you know, big prayers for our big God. God hears and answers them so why not pray big! Personally, I’ve been praying for all the undergraduates at BG to have heard the Gospel, so that’s 20k nuts but hey God’s done crazier things so like this ain’t nothing. Might not be in my time here but in the years to come this prayer will be answered. Along with what I was saying earlier about how things have changed this year, you can tell a difference and a shift on the campus that is ready to just open the flood gates for Jesus to totally make his way into everyone’s heart. Can’t wait to see God continue to move and reveal things to me which I haven’t known before. So lastly I wanted to say pray big because we have a big God.

Peace and Love

 

 

Career vs. Heart

This title kind of sums up a lot of what has been on my mind lately. Questions like, What should I do after college? Is this decision the best for my future? How is God going to use this? and How can I fix this situation?, just have been running through my mind constantly. I’m coming to the point in my life where I’m going to actually have to get a “big boy” job (not the restaurant lol, that ship has already sailed haha).

Currently, I’m going to school for a degree in Sport Management…simply because I love sports and at the time of deciding on a major nothing else really seemed interesting to me. When I made this decision I just began my life as a Christian so I wasn’t sure on how that would play into my career or most of my life, I was still trying to figure it all out.

My classes honestly haven’t helped much (some have been really good though), in terms of preparing me for working in the sport industry. I don’t think I’m going to need to tell someone what type of sporting event we are putting on or anything of that nature. Volunteering with the ticket office and athletic communication departments at school have really given me an idea of what it will look like working in this industry. I have gained a lot of valuable experiences and teachable moments during my time spent at both of these departments. I can totally see myself working in the sport industry and being a light wherever I am and just loving on everyone that I work with. On the other hand, I can see myself maybe going into ministry and working for organizations like Athletes in Action or FCA, or maybe be an entrepreneur and open a surf shop, coffee shop, or bar (or a shop with all 3 in 1 ha).

The Jesus Factor is something that has changed my life a lot. Growing in my faith and learning more about it has changed my perspective of life and how it should be lived. Without Jesus in my life I was more concerned with making money, living somewhere warm (that still sounds awesome), and basically focusing on things of this world that now just don’t seem that appealing to me. Money is a big factor in this and the thing is it’s not even my money, it’s God’s money he has chosen to give it to me for me to spend wisely. We…well at least I know that I don’t need a whole bunch of money to be satisfied and be happy in life, sure you can buy more things but do those things last forever? My typical grocery bill for the month is around $35, I go out to eat maybe once a week for $10-$15, and then rent for me is around $300. Besides feeding myself and having a place to live I don’t need a lot of money for everything else. Sure I’ll get some new clothes, books, or vinyls every once in a while but I don’t need them. So yeah the more I’ve grown the more I’ve realized this, also when I went to the Dominican Republic seeing the happiness that they had even though they didn’t have much really showed me to revalue things in life.

Having been put in this confusing season of life has really made me think of what can I do to best serve God wherever he places me. Even if I don’t go into ministry I know God will place me somewhere I can best serve Him and show His love to everyone I work with and come in contact with.

Having said all that…telling my parents that I don’t have the same idea of what they envision me doing in life has really made our relationship tough. We had an intense conversation about this topic and we are complete opposites of what we feel my life should look like. It’s just a weird thing to try to explain to them because they just kept getting more frustrated with me. I just think of Acts 1:7 “He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.” God has a plan for this relationship to get better and for them to know Him, I just have to not be anxious about it and let God do his thing because it’s in his time not ours.

This topic will probably continue to be prevalent in my life for awhile because it’s just the time in my life where I start seeing what I could maybe do and try things out to see if this is where God wants me. For now I’m just going to be praying about it and getting as much feedback from mentors and friends as I can.

Peace be with you

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Listening…Glory…Pain

I’m just in a difficult situation right now…I’m struggling. Twenty four hours ago I wasn’t, I was praising The Lord with 2,000 peers at a conference in Indianapolis. The Spirit was everywhere and it was so very good and the whole conference had been awesome.

To kind of start off how this started I’ll summarize it quickly because there really isn’t a whole lot to go over. Alright…I need an internship to graduate from school early next December. I planned on trying to do that this summer so I could graduate early, then there is a job fair in Washington that could provide opportunities to get a job (this job fair is next December). So hopefully I would graduate next December then hopefully get a job right away from the job fair and wouldn’t spend too much time without being employed.

This plan start to change though about a month ago. A friend of mine came up to me after a worship night at my house and was asking about my summer plans because she felt The Lord told her to tell me to consider maybe taking a summer to focus on Him. So I listened to her but was pretty set on the plans that I had thought of about for the internship.

As December started I had a few friends pray over me and they saw me working with youth and doing things of that nature. Also that I The Lord was putting armor on me to prepare for some type of battle. So I started praying about those things to see if it was accurate or not. The more I prayed about it the more I got memories of helping kids out during my life and the great time I had last year at this camp where I spend a week being a counselor.

Like I was saying I spend the last week at a Christian conference in Indianapolis. It always is really good and this year was no exception. I signed up for it but as it got closer I realized that financially it would not be smart. But The Lord provided and I went to Indy, going in with the future on  my mind I was praying that He would clarify things a bit for me.

The conference went on and the speakers where so good and a theme started to emerge out of it. Faithful and available. Words from Beth  Guckenberger, really got me thinking. Like this is the perfect time to do works for God. I’m in school am not tied down to anyone or anything so why not trust His word and go for it. The speaker that  really got me was Leann Willis. She was telling us about how so many people will say oh let me figure out this thing I have going on in my life then I’ll work on the spiritual. We should put God 1st then the rest. I began to think instantly about my career and the summer plans I had been thinking about. I talked with some friends afterword about my thoughts and the pickle about the internship and stuff. I got some really good feedback and ideas and such. So I decided that I was going to go to camp for the summer instead of trying for an internship.

This begins the pain. I came home last night planning to talk to my parents about this. So I approached them and started telling them about that I felt like I was being called toward this camp for summer. Right away my parents had a big problem with it. One I was not making money, Two it is not going to be helping my career (which I don’t even know what I want to exactly do), Three it would delay my graduation another semester, and Four they felt that my friends I have been talking with, they felt where making this decision for me and steering me into that direction. A bunch of other stuff was said that really got me frustrated and hurt.

They do not understand The Holy Spirit, I try explaining it to them but they just can’t grip it. I tried explaining things out but since they truly do not understand where I’m coming from and  that I’m not the same 18 year old that left for college and now am 21 with whole other view points and have grown tremendously. Honestly this was the 1st deep conversation I’ve had with them my whole life. So they kept like bashing my friends/mentors and saying that they where telling me these things and that I’m being gullible. Saying things like your career is more important and just going against all I heard during the week. Also not to let God control to much of my life. There was some more but I think I’m getting my point across, it was rough.

After my family went to bed I just laid downstairs in my family room just praying and crying for a while. My sister came down and she knows just how tough our parents can be and how rough it can be communicating things with them. I’m stilling trying to just figure out what’s next and like how to solve the hurt that my parents have put on me. I’m just praying for them and yeah just for guidance.

Psalm 91: 1,2

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

 

What Just Happened

Last night was one of the craziest nights I’ve ever experienced. Yeah that epic ha. I went to Ember last night and yeah it was solid the whole night, the guest speaking was giving a solid talk on getting rid of addictions and things that are keeping us from God, well things we feel like are, and that we need to let them go and just go to God. So that was really good, but it got so much better. The speaker called everyone to come in front of the stage. He started praying and saying a bunch of stuff and told the band to come up and play Break Every Chain, he joined in and started singing too it was awesome. The Spirit was so prevalent in that moment like everyone was praying and just feeling it.

Then the speaker tells everyone to hold everyone’s hand. He started to do something that I’ve never seen done before…he told one guy to stand behind this one guy and he like said accept the power of God and this guy just fell backwards! Was absolutely KO’d by God’s power! He started doing this for a bit, some people fell down others didn’t. He got back on stage and said that he wasn’t going to be able to bless everyone so hold hands and the power of God was going to flow through our hands. After that he said this which is trippy and awesome. He said someone who had never spoken in tongues before is going to. A back story is that I’ve been praying to be able to do this for about a week now, so yeah ha. Like a minute later I just start to feel a massive tingling sensation go through my body and it started slight but grew and grew. I then like just couldn’t stand anymore and my legs like gave out and I fell down, luckily someone helped me down. Hahaha it was insane! Like a minute later I started saying random stuff and had no idea what I was saying! Was nuts yo! Was crazy that I started speaking in tongues. I layed down for a while, mostly because I couldn’t move haha, but yeah the power of God just hit me so hard! I stood up after a little while and like still was tingly and felt like I was drunk I was stumbling and all. I probably should have waited longer to drive home but I didn’t and I was pretty sketched out driving home ha luckily God was watching out and I made it back. It was an incredible night, I just never felt his presence like that before. God is so real ya’ll like ahhh he is so great and his power is incredible.

Draw near to him and he’ll draw nearer

 

Growing Pains

I’ve had an interesting school year to say the least so far. With that I mean spiritually, rest of my life has been solid. Schools School you know so like I’m always grinding with that ha. Yeah I think I’ve stated this a few times in previous posts but this past summer for me was incredible. I grew so much this summer just being able to get into the word all the time and be around people that could pour into me and I into them. Having that community was so big for me, since I did not grow up in an  environment where people were open with their feelings, thoughts, struggles, and ext. being around people that were open to hear me out and give me feed back was huge.

Anyway…this years has given me a lot to think about and a lot to question. I came into this year stoked to see what God had planned for our ministry on campus and me personally. As the year began I began to start seeing things differently and think about the things I did previously in school and realize that something did not seem right. Is it me? Is it the community? Why does it feel different? I really was struggling to figure out what it was and it finally started to come to mean after talking to some people about it. It’s just growing pains, I’m wanting to see radical change and for people to be as stoked as I am to do God’s work and people just aren’t and I have to realize that. Things just feel weird, part of it is that I am growing and am trying to figure out things exactly. Being in community with most of the  friends I’ve made is hard currently for me. I enjoy going out and being in the presence of non-believers, they need love and I love being around them. Something that bothers me (I know I’m a broken record but its so good and true) is we are too much in our Christian bubble and we are too sheltered (I could probably go on and on). I’m just seeing things in a new light and God’s putting a lot on my plate. I’m just in a different season of life I guess, whatever it may be cause I’m still trying to figure it out.

Being apart of this campus organization just isn’t satisfying to me I guess, I’m looking toward things that are after college you know like how am I going to use my ministry after I graduate. Am I just going to join a church and do that? I hope not cause that just doesn’t seem all that wonderful…church is great and all but I want to do life with people I’m around and if they aren’t believers I would love to share God’s love with them. I’ve been reading Saturate by Jeff Vanderstelt literally one of the best books I’ve read. Has opened my eyes a lot with how to live in a community and how to do ministry outside of the church setting and how to reach a community or neighbors. I know I should be going after the lost on my campus and such. I just don’t feel called to be here if you know what I mean I feel like I’m supposed to be somewhere else doing ministry. Another part of it is that I need to realize that for the time being I am here so I need to do works here and stop thinking about whats ahead of me.

Hearing that is kind of tough for me because I’ve been wrestling with this for most of the year. I learned that I could graduate early next year and since then I have been thinking a lot of the future and where I could be headed. So much uncertainty just is stressing me out a bit to be honest. I know that I just need to pray and give it to God. For some reason it just is hard for me to do so, I like to have an idea of what is ahead so I can prepare but in this case I don’t. Relying on God is the one thing that I know I can truly rely on. I’d love to move out of Ohio but realistically I’m not sure I can, in terms of personally cause it’d be hard for me to do so solo dolo. In my current situation I’m not sure I could do that without having friends or a spouse to make that move with me. I was prayed over a few weeks ago and someone told me that all battles are won in the prayer room. I absolutely love that, it’s so true and ahhh I need to bunker down and pray ha.

I needed to get this off my chest because it’s been on my mind a lot lately. I’m just trying to figure out what God’s telling me and what I’m supposed to do next in this season. Pray on yo!