Love how music can express feelings and be so relatable, this song Bet That by Ezzy recently has been a jam that has been relating to me the chorus says, “Everything is changing Everything is switching around Things are rearranging People acting different now But I bet it’s for the better”. I’ve been so used to doing school for the last 16 years and now that it’s over I’m like well…what’s next. I don’t know what’s next I have idea’s but that’s it, anyway being home waiting to see what’s next for me has been rough. Not just cause I miss BG but the adjustment of living with my parents, not having a schedule really, having limited community, and just uncertainty of what is next for me. It feels just weird to be here and like limiting I guess may be the term I’m looking for. I sense this pressure and heaviness in the atmosphere at home and I just feel weird, like I know I shouldn’t but feel like I’m wearing a mask around certain people. I’m trying to just be me and continue doing my thing even though it’s been hard, so yeah hopefully I can take the mask off completely while I’m here (and anywhere really) for however long that is.
I’ve started reading this book that my friend Heidi gave me by Brad Lomenick called The Catalyst Leader. I’m only a few chapters in and it’s already really good. Something that the book brought up in the 1st chapter was finding your calling. Since I’m still really trying to figure out what I’m going to do now and well the rest of my life, this topic really started hitting home for me. I have given some thought about my calling previously but haven’t given it a whole lot of thought. Before graduating I had the mission field and mind set of the campus and those around me. Now like I can go anywhere, do anything, and since I really don’t know what I want to do, thinking about my calling seems like it will be helpful in figuring out some sort of direction or an idea. The book kind of defines calling in a really solid way I feel, “calling is not necessarily about a title, position, or certain career, but more of a vision and purpose for your life that spans all the seasons of your vocation.” I just love that, I know I feel pressured to find a job, pay back loans, and things of that nature. I know I can limit myself in those fears, the book did this study and they put this quote summarizing some of their findings which totally rings true in my mind, “more than one in three Christians feel a God-nudge inside of them to do something else with their lives, but haven’t found the nerve to pull the trigger.” It then talks about us having fears that hold us back from truly trusting God in the plan He has for us. I know I do this and I try not to let the fear of this world control me because I shouldn’t fear anything but God. If I’m not trusting Him then the relationship I have with Him is going to be affected big time.
I guess the biggest take away I have been thinking about the past few days is exactly what I was talking about my calling. Seeking God’s will in my life just begins with figuring out what keeps me awake, what makes me cry, what wakes me up, what are my passions and gifts, and what am I energized by. Digging into those things will give me a vision of possibilities that I can shape into finding out what I would ENJOY doing and actually being able to have God use me in those places cause He gave me those passions and gifts to glorify Him in those places. Like already I have been analyzing my passions and like helping the youth is something that I enjoy and like I kind of recently started to have this dream of owning a baseball academy to help kids grow in their talents as a ball player but also have that be a mission field to impact those kids lives with Jesus at the same time. I know there are going to be hard conversations in this journey but if I find happiness in taking whatever path no one can bring me down.
“If you are confident in what God has called you to do, you will not be distracted by someone intimidating you”- Bill Johnson
Peace and Love ya’ll
This song just has been speaking to me a lot lately and thought I would share it and share some things that have been rattling in my mind.
I’ve been in an interesting place as of late in my walk with the Lord. God has placed a lot of things on my heart and these things have been pretty gnarly. The biggest thing is like changing the community that I currently am in. I feel like our community can do so much more than what we are and no one is really starting an uproar about it. We are just being content with being idol and satisfied with the status quo of where we are at.
Honestly ever since like the middle of the summer where a few of my friends got together and prayed for the Spirit to be activated within us I have been on fire for the Lord. I’ve taken bigger steps of faith and am growing a lot. Being exposed to certain situations and experiences lately have really shown me how big God is in my lie and that I don’t want anything more than him. Like in that some it says “I just want you more”, “I want you more than anything”, and then it says”fill me up God”. Those lines right there are pretty much expressing the way I feel all the time now. Like I wasn’t wanting God more I had other things on my mind and when I realized that I was focusing too much on things that aren’t really as important as my relationship to God things started changing for me for the better. I was reading a book called What’s In a Phrase and one of the chapters was talking about how if we aren’t having God as our number 1 desire things just aren’t going to be the same and we need to change our mind set to have God as our number 1 desire. Once I read that I analyzed what I was desiring and I may have thought my number 1 was God but truthfully it wasn’t. That really was helpful for me and you know I still struggle with that but I feel like God is on my mind a lot more and I’m desiring him a lot more than before. It’s probably the closest I have ever felt to God and feeling this close to him really is great and I don’t want anything more than that.
It’s been a real interesting season of life for myself. God’s been telling me a lot of stuff, I’ve been real busy with school, the future is constantly on my mind, and it seems stressful at times. If you know me it’s probably hard to believe I get stressed since I’m like always chilled out but believe it or not ha stress can get to me haha. After growing quite a bit this summer and going back into the school routine has been challenging for me I’m not gonna lie. I was used to working in the morning like 4 times a week so I had plenty of time to go to my favorite coffee shop in Perrysburg and spend hours on hours there studying the word and just being totally in his presence a lot. Now like I struggle with finding that time and properly using that time and not rushing it. Since I’ve had a lot on my heart too I’ve wanted to dig into these things more and lately I’ve been able to have time to do so but it took a while to find a rhythm of it.
Like I was saying I feel like God has been putting on my heart to challenge the community I’m in and to also change the way we are…for the better. I’m not a big fan of sharing my faith and I’ve felt convicted lately to do so. What’s the worst that can happen right, like someone doesn’t want to talk with you. That’s nothing in reality, so I’ve been trying to do that and challenge people to take steps of faith and do the same. Since we want to see people come to know Jesus, that’s not going to happen with us sitting on the sidelines and being cool with being a bench player. You can’t change the game by being on the sidelines. We need to get into the game and trust the Spirit to guide conversations and give us words to share.
Another thing that bothers me with our community that has been on my heart is how much we love our “bubble”. Like the community bubble and the Christian bubble we live in and are afraid to get out of. I’m tired of it I’m not going to lie, we can branch out to things/organizations that we like and love those people that we share interests with. We are too uptight sometimes in my mind and are afraid to go out to the darkness and be that light for others. The biggest example of this to me is that hardly anyone goes to parties. Jesus raged with people all the time and he did his thing around people that not many people would associate with back in the day. Why can’t we do that. I’m not trying to sound like I’m better than anyone because I’m not…I fail in several things but like I’ll go to a friend of mine’s parties all the time. Not to get messed up but because I have friends at those parties who I enjoy being around and talking with. It’s like a perfect place to love on people and to get to know people. Ahh it just frustrates me that we are scared…they aren’t going to bite they just wanna have a fun time ha. You don’t have to drink to have a good time.
That’s all I really got right now. Lot of changes I hope can happen to expand the Kingdom and have people leave there comfort zone and be challenged. If you are a praying type I’d appreciate prayer for myself and the community I’m in to feel uncomfortable, challenged, and to trust God with everything.
Fill Me Up God