I’m just in a difficult situation right now…I’m struggling. Twenty four hours ago I wasn’t, I was praising The Lord with 2,000 peers at a conference in Indianapolis. The Spirit was everywhere and it was so very good and the whole conference had been awesome.
To kind of start off how this started I’ll summarize it quickly because there really isn’t a whole lot to go over. Alright…I need an internship to graduate from school early next December. I planned on trying to do that this summer so I could graduate early, then there is a job fair in Washington that could provide opportunities to get a job (this job fair is next December). So hopefully I would graduate next December then hopefully get a job right away from the job fair and wouldn’t spend too much time without being employed.
This plan start to change though about a month ago. A friend of mine came up to me after a worship night at my house and was asking about my summer plans because she felt The Lord told her to tell me to consider maybe taking a summer to focus on Him. So I listened to her but was pretty set on the plans that I had thought of about for the internship.
As December started I had a few friends pray over me and they saw me working with youth and doing things of that nature. Also that I The Lord was putting armor on me to prepare for some type of battle. So I started praying about those things to see if it was accurate or not. The more I prayed about it the more I got memories of helping kids out during my life and the great time I had last year at this camp where I spend a week being a counselor.
Like I was saying I spend the last week at a Christian conference in Indianapolis. It always is really good and this year was no exception. I signed up for it but as it got closer I realized that financially it would not be smart. But The Lord provided and I went to Indy, going in with the future on my mind I was praying that He would clarify things a bit for me.
The conference went on and the speakers where so good and a theme started to emerge out of it. Faithful and available. Words from Beth Guckenberger, really got me thinking. Like this is the perfect time to do works for God. I’m in school am not tied down to anyone or anything so why not trust His word and go for it. The speaker that really got me was Leann Willis. She was telling us about how so many people will say oh let me figure out this thing I have going on in my life then I’ll work on the spiritual. We should put God 1st then the rest. I began to think instantly about my career and the summer plans I had been thinking about. I talked with some friends afterword about my thoughts and the pickle about the internship and stuff. I got some really good feedback and ideas and such. So I decided that I was going to go to camp for the summer instead of trying for an internship.
This begins the pain. I came home last night planning to talk to my parents about this. So I approached them and started telling them about that I felt like I was being called toward this camp for summer. Right away my parents had a big problem with it. One I was not making money, Two it is not going to be helping my career (which I don’t even know what I want to exactly do), Three it would delay my graduation another semester, and Four they felt that my friends I have been talking with, they felt where making this decision for me and steering me into that direction. A bunch of other stuff was said that really got me frustrated and hurt.
They do not understand The Holy Spirit, I try explaining it to them but they just can’t grip it. I tried explaining things out but since they truly do not understand where I’m coming from and that I’m not the same 18 year old that left for college and now am 21 with whole other view points and have grown tremendously. Honestly this was the 1st deep conversation I’ve had with them my whole life. So they kept like bashing my friends/mentors and saying that they where telling me these things and that I’m being gullible. Saying things like your career is more important and just going against all I heard during the week. Also not to let God control to much of my life. There was some more but I think I’m getting my point across, it was rough.
After my family went to bed I just laid downstairs in my family room just praying and crying for a while. My sister came down and she knows just how tough our parents can be and how rough it can be communicating things with them. I’m stilling trying to just figure out what’s next and like how to solve the hurt that my parents have put on me. I’m just praying for them and yeah just for guidance.
Psalm 91: 1,2
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”