I’ve had an interesting school year to say the least so far. With that I mean spiritually, rest of my life has been solid. Schools School you know so like I’m always grinding with that ha. Yeah I think I’ve stated this a few times in previous posts but this past summer for me was incredible. I grew so much this summer just being able to get into the word all the time and be around people that could pour into me and I into them. Having that community was so big for me, since I did not grow up in an environment where people were open with their feelings, thoughts, struggles, and ext. being around people that were open to hear me out and give me feed back was huge.
Anyway…this years has given me a lot to think about and a lot to question. I came into this year stoked to see what God had planned for our ministry on campus and me personally. As the year began I began to start seeing things differently and think about the things I did previously in school and realize that something did not seem right. Is it me? Is it the community? Why does it feel different? I really was struggling to figure out what it was and it finally started to come to mean after talking to some people about it. It’s just growing pains, I’m wanting to see radical change and for people to be as stoked as I am to do God’s work and people just aren’t and I have to realize that. Things just feel weird, part of it is that I am growing and am trying to figure out things exactly. Being in community with most of the friends I’ve made is hard currently for me. I enjoy going out and being in the presence of non-believers, they need love and I love being around them. Something that bothers me (I know I’m a broken record but its so good and true) is we are too much in our Christian bubble and we are too sheltered (I could probably go on and on). I’m just seeing things in a new light and God’s putting a lot on my plate. I’m just in a different season of life I guess, whatever it may be cause I’m still trying to figure it out.
Being apart of this campus organization just isn’t satisfying to me I guess, I’m looking toward things that are after college you know like how am I going to use my ministry after I graduate. Am I just going to join a church and do that? I hope not cause that just doesn’t seem all that wonderful…church is great and all but I want to do life with people I’m around and if they aren’t believers I would love to share God’s love with them. I’ve been reading Saturate by Jeff Vanderstelt literally one of the best books I’ve read. Has opened my eyes a lot with how to live in a community and how to do ministry outside of the church setting and how to reach a community or neighbors. I know I should be going after the lost on my campus and such. I just don’t feel called to be here if you know what I mean I feel like I’m supposed to be somewhere else doing ministry. Another part of it is that I need to realize that for the time being I am here so I need to do works here and stop thinking about whats ahead of me.
Hearing that is kind of tough for me because I’ve been wrestling with this for most of the year. I learned that I could graduate early next year and since then I have been thinking a lot of the future and where I could be headed. So much uncertainty just is stressing me out a bit to be honest. I know that I just need to pray and give it to God. For some reason it just is hard for me to do so, I like to have an idea of what is ahead so I can prepare but in this case I don’t. Relying on God is the one thing that I know I can truly rely on. I’d love to move out of Ohio but realistically I’m not sure I can, in terms of personally cause it’d be hard for me to do so solo dolo. In my current situation I’m not sure I could do that without having friends or a spouse to make that move with me. I was prayed over a few weeks ago and someone told me that all battles are won in the prayer room. I absolutely love that, it’s so true and ahhh I need to bunker down and pray ha.
I needed to get this off my chest because it’s been on my mind a lot lately. I’m just trying to figure out what God’s telling me and what I’m supposed to do next in this season. Pray on yo!